Wednesday Windows 10.26.11 – Is Two is Enough?

This is something that has been really hard to think about.  We have always said that we wanted to have at least three children.  And it seems like over time, we keep going back and forth on how many we want.  It is hard to look at everything and see if it is right.  And it is hard to really see what feels right.  And what feels right today, might not feel right tomorrow.

When we were going for one, the process wasn’t scary.  We were excited about our first.  We were looking into everything that you do when you try to conceive.  Once I was pregnant, we were happy and scared all at the same time.  It was a freak out moment of…are we really fit to be parents?  Do we really know what we are doing?  No, but we are smart and can figure it out.  The freak out started all over again as soon as our son was born.  I think I started to calm down once he was about a year old to some degree…

Then when our son was almost two, we thought it was a good time to try for another.  We got pregnant right out from the gate.  So there was no build up.  We were so excited.  We were also a little worried too though.  We thought we would have more time before I actually would get pregnant.  So there was the initial freak out…how are we going to handle two kids?  How are we going to pay for daycare?  How are we going to balance this?  We figured it out though.  And now that she is one, I think I am calm again.

I am a bit crazy while pregnant.  I am a bit crazy all of the time.  So, more so while pregnant.  And everyone that knows me from a non pregnant state doesn’t believe me.  But I am a real crazy person while pregnant.  And my husband said that he couldn’t handle it a third time.  So I had come to terms with it.

My husband was going to get a vasectomy when our daughter was around 3 months old.  I wouldn’t let him do it.  And at that point in time we thought we might have a third.  My husband said he would give me more time to come to terms with it.  That we could think about it.  We had said we would think about it again when our daughter turned 4.  Well, my husband was looking through pictures of the kids when they were small.  And he told me he wanted another.

This news stirred things up for me.  I had gotten my head around it and come to terms with the fact that we would be done with two.  I spend the last week or so really thinking hard about it.  And the though of a third scared me.  I feel like I don’t give my kids enough attention as it is.  I can’t see bringing a third into the mix.  I would feel like I was depriving my children.  I then told my husband, the only way I could have a third is if we were in a situation where I could stay at home.  I wouldn’t feel like I have to stay at home.  I just want to.  I want to now.  I feel like I miss so much and it kills me.

I thought about it more though.  And I asked some wise women on a chat board I am a part of.  And hearing what they thought about their own kids really helped me to work through this again.  A lot of them had the same thoughts as I did about another.  They felt they had enough.  And then there was another person who really helped me hit it home.  I love to spoil my kids.  I don’t go over board.  But I don’t like to have to always hold back and wait for a deal.  I love them if I can find them.  But I also really want to be able to get what they need when they need it.  I also really like to be able to indulge in a new hobby once in a while!

So I asked myself if I feel like our family is complete.  I am still not sure I can say 100% yes to that.  So I asked myself, do I feel like something is missing from our family?  And honestly, I don’t feel like we are missing anything.  I am happy where we are right now.  I asked my husband the same thing.  He feels exactly the same way.

So a family of 4 (6 if you include our two chihuahuas) is enough for us.  And if something should happen before he has his vasectomy, we will freak out.  But, we will welcome the third child into our family and love them just the same.  And if everything goes as planned, we will continue on with our son and our daughter knowing that we are not missing a thing!

Monique